"The POOR Box".. and other stories of humility and humor.

"The POOR Box"

 



I am writing this for Rebecca  and all my other 'twisted' friends who greatly enjoyed the retelling. I do hope I do it justice on paper.  

 

A little background about myself. I was raised by a mother who was a gifted story teller from a long line of gifted story tellers. So I come by my twisted mind honestly, and without any doubt in my mind, my family and I are proof that God has a phenomenal sense of humor. I believe life is a journey and laughter is on  the menu daily.  It is a choice to be sour and unhappy and I have decided life is too short. Besides if the Good Lord wanted me to be unhappy why would he have made me so funny :).  Pretty simple philosophy.

 

Important player you need to know:

Fortune- Sweetest most Godly lady I have ever know extremely meek and mild. Church secretary, my first friend at our new church. Since gone to Glory.

 

Proverbs 16:18  Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall. 







 

 At the time this story takes place we were raising five children. Some different than now but five, all under the age of nine. We were VERY newly saved Christians and still walking in baby shoes.  Stumbling and bumbling our way through.  An issue I had not even begun to get a hold of yet was pride.

The day started out like any other Sunday for a new Christian family with 5 kids and a prideful mother. I had been up since the crack of dawn doing my three girls hair, ironing clothes that were PERFECT in every way. You know the kind, outfits match the shoes and the socks are specially ordered for THAT outfit. Boys suits are ready. First Diaper bag is packed, emergency second diaper bag is packed.  Car is clean (someone could look in it, silly). We are off to church on what was probably a beautiful fall day, but I was already too exhausted to notice.  The kids were bantering back and forth about Christmas, as the new Sears catalogue had come and the kids were thrilled. 

The conversation soon took an ugly turn when the "I wants began."  "Mommy, I want..." and "I want..." and "I want..."  I detest "I want."  I went into overdrive and clearly informed every last little face that under NO CIRCUMSTANCES was I  to hear "I WANT" again!  "Do you all under stand......no more..... we are broke, on austerity, does everyone understand?"  I was met with little nods and great big eyes. Because of course, mom had snapped.

We arrived at church quietly, (go figure) went in and sat down.  We sit in the First row of a large church.  All is well, church, kids, all normal, then as we are about to start my husband informs me that he needs to slip out and use the bathroom. REALLY.. that's against the rules, he...knows ...that.  So off he goes just as the music begins.  Well I am not sure what happened, but announcements are now over and no husband.  The ushers organize for the collection and I start to sweat.  "What am I going to do!" My dork of a husband has been kidnapped by aliens it seems and he took our tithe with him.  All I know is I am new to this church thing and the plate is coming down the isle so I start doing what every normal adult does...talking to myself (I do this a lot) "The collecton is between us and God, no one is judging me, its no one else's business, I will put it in after etc..." I can self talk pretty quick when I am sweating.  Well sitting between my husband and I was our second oldest daughter who is about five. Five and the biggest piece of work God ever made.  She is sitting there as meek and quiet as a mouse, and is now at the end of the row since it seems her father is about to become the next edition of America's Most Wanted. The plate comes to me, I pass it to her and out of that teeny tiny mousy little darling mouth comes "SORRY, WE'RE BROKE!" in a voice that rattled the windows as she passes the plate to the deacon.  Now, in case you have any questions, I will clarify for you, that little voice silenced that entire church... well until the laughter began.  If you could will yourself to die, I would be daisy fertilizer.  I don't remember much more of that day except that my husband's ride home was probably uncomfortable.

My husband is the kind of man that in all the years of our marriage he has never even taken a lunch to work, he does not watch sports or go out with friends. He is happy if he has $1.00 for coffee every day and fifty cents for the snack machine. He is simple to please.  However, he does have one request a year that I always think is frivolous but how can you deny a man one request a year.  For my husband it is a Plainville turkey.  If you know anything about these birds, they are raised naturally are fresh and expensive...very, very expensive.  He orders one every year.

On the "SORRY WE'RE BROKE" year, about a week after the church incident he went out to pick up our Mega-turkey. That same crisp dark night about two hours after he left, I noticed lights come down our drive way. Well, we live in the middle of the country.  We don't have neighbors, I just thought, turkeys here.... with his turkey. ( Oh, don't worry I get mine)  I am busy doing I don't know what, when a knock comes at the door. Strange, must have forgot his key.  I fling the door open, in my bare feet and flannel nightgown and there stands two of the deacons from our church.  OH LORD, now what do I do? Do I invite them in? Is that appropriate? Do I leave them on the step and get dressed, get a robe..... WHAT DO I DO?  I settle on letting them in, pick up the baby and sit down just praying that provides some extra coverage.  Maybe they are oblivious like my husband and think I am in a dress.  That is when they show me 'THE BOX', they tell me they have a little gift for us for the holidays.  My head is spinning..."It's a poor box, I know it is.... I think I might throw up."  More lights down the drive way and my husband is home. Here is where I begin frantically praying like I have not prayed frantically for something so ridiculous before.  "Oh Lord please, I'm not asking I'm begging, please don't let him bring that bird in the house.  Please Lord, please let him leave that STUPID turkey in the car."  He comes in No turkey, YES, oh yeah, thank you Lord" and they tell him about the box, he thanks them and talks hunting. The two deacons leave and he actually looks at me and says, "Wasn't that nice of them." Captain Oblivious is only missing his cape and mask it seems. I must have looked horrified because I got the response I find so perplexing. "What?"  "What do you mean, "What"?" "It's a POOR BOX!" He looks into the photo copy paper box and gives another thought provoking response. "no."  "YES, yes , yes... It is a poor box, for the SORRY WE'RE BROKE" family.  In the box was a little bag of potatoes, some veggies and  a small turkey.  A really nice thing indeed, if of course you were in need and did not have a turkey bigger than your 2 year old that weighed even more than him, sitting on the front seat of your car.  Now we are both staring in the box horrified. "What are we going to do?" It's all I can think to say. He comes up with, "Call Fortune, Fortune will know, she knows everything." Truth be told, she did. So I call, not sure how to even begin this conversation. After some hemming and hawing I get around to asking if the church gives out boxes to families in need.  Well poor Fortune opened my flood gates in the next few minutes.  She is telling me how the deacons decide on the needy families and no  one knows who gets them, by now I am sobbing and she thinks it is because I am touched by the gesture. At which point I ask if she got one.  Her family was struggling, they had a kid in college, she was the best person I knew, she deserved one.  Well I started crying even harder and I said "But, your poorer than I am, and we just got one, what am I going to do."  Well she started to laugh and put very simply said, "Be grateful."  I thanked her and hung up and went immediately back into a frantic mess.  My husband is waiting to hear, all I can do is nod and cry....."It's a poor box." 

Well now we are stuck. Morally, we can't keep it.  So without telling we donated all the food and the turkey to our local food pantry.  Really it was given so that someone who needed it would get it, not someone with a $70.00 turkey plopped in their car.  That gave us peace.

The following Sunday I sat in church praying Fortune was right, that no one knew about the box. But in time I told someone, I believe Rebecca and her laughter made it all OK.  It humbled me to remember what is important and taught me that My girls hair and clothes were not more important than their hearts or mine.  I learned though that poor box about the generosity of people who give much even though they have little. It taught me that every Christian has a "POOR BOX" that needs filled, but for each Christian the need is different.

 It is Fortune's words "Be grateful" that are he moral of the story.  Fortune had a way during her too-short-time on this earth in teaching something life changing very simply. To be grateful, I had to be humble, to be humble I had to let go of my pride.  You see as it turns out, I can look back upon those early years and tell you I really was in dire need of a "Poor Box."  My box did not need corn and yams, it needed wisdom and grace.  It needed humility and joy for things that are given of the spirit and not of the wallet, it needed companionship with fellow believers.  I pray that you will take time to fill a new Christians "Poor Box." if you do, you strengthen the family of God for the love of a Savior that lived and died for you.

Adventures in Adoption part 5

Psalm 1:1
Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.
But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.

The Lord knows the desire of our heart. He knows the desires we have not shared with the ones we trust and love so much here on earth. He knows what we want and need before we do.  Our Lord answers prayers that Glorify Him. He sometimes answers prayers we fear even to consider asking. It is those gifts sent from above that when we receive them and know without question where they have come from, that is the time I feel as if I am sitting in the palm of His hand. My Savior who owes me nothing has seen fit to seek me out and bless me yet again.
 
                                                           This is the sorry of Gracie.
In April of 09 I was diagnosed with cancer.....BOOM! That will rock your world!  How someone without faith goes through that without waking with Christ is beyond me.  I knew God had a plan, how could he not, right? He gave me a house full of kids all but one of whom is disabled and a husband who can't find his socks in his sock draw.  Obviously, He has a plan, that does not include Gary being a single father, because parting the Red Sea was less of a miracle than that would be.  My kids would be eating frozen fries, still frozen in their birthday suits daily if that was the plan. Everyone has gifts and my husband is a great provider but he is not real big into details.  Little things like the names of the kids specialists and have they had milk this week might not make it to his top ten.

A few weeks after the big "C" verdict, Gary picked me up at work and told me that I was going to be "just fine",  I asked how he knew that and he told me "God told him".  I was pretty curious about that conversation and that is when he told me we had just been called and we had a new baby.  Now, that is a pretty wonderful way to hear from God.   For you curious types I had been having problems for a number of years and was under close care by a doctor.  When my cells changed into cancer cells as it turns out I was in the earliest of stages.  God expects us to care for our Temple.  In July I had radical surgery. In August I was totally clear of all cancer cells.  No chemo and no radiation needed.  I am very grateful. For me a more serious situation was not part of His plan.  Yes, I know how blessed I am..  

It was a much longer road to bring home Gracie than the others.  Christmas came and went without her in our home.... I was sad but kept my eye on Christ and knew His plan was best.  A few months later her first birthday passed.... I was sad, but kept my eye on Christ and knew His plan was best.  Then a few months later we brought baby bee as we also call her home.

The time we had to wait we had prayer warriors praying for her and us diligently.  We had other families begin their journey down their roads of adoption and we can give the glory to God.

She I believe is a special gift from God for my faithfulness. I am blessed! 

Advenures in Adoption part 4

"I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life." ~Abraham Lincoln

Psalm 113:9 (KJV)

He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the Lord.

I ask you to think deeply about the love you have for your children.  Not as a collective group but individually.  Think about each child with their unique personalities and if God has blessed you with a child with disabilities think deeply about that also.  To what end would you go for that child?  How far? Would you give up your home to pay their medical to save their lives, I have know some who have done so without a second thought, I know some who wish they could trade their homes for the life of the child they lost.  Do you possess any belonging in retrospect that holds more value either monitarily or sentimentally than any of your children?

Well this is Essie's story. It is a story of loss and gain, of giving up to get much more.  Of trusting the Lord without question when He tells you to do what makes no sense to the world outside, His love and living for Him. 

I was not interested in adopting a girl, point blank, black and white. I was looking for two little boys. But as stated the Lord has a sense of humor and I am living proof.  Essie was a gift in a four pack of children we adopted at one time. Ages 2, 3, 5, and 7.  We knew Paul was Developmentally Disabled, and had ADHD. I was the one who informed them he also was Autistic which was later confirmed. Your not a special education teacher for 20 years without being able to call that one a mile away.  Essie on the other hand was this teeny tiny peanut.  Labeled Failure to Thrive she arrived at 2 1/2 years old weighing a whopping 16 pounds, yes SIXTEEN pounds, she had few teeth and little hair, she wore a size 12months.  Despite all this she was a sharp little bundle and sweet as could be.  So much for not wanting a girl, sold, hook, line and sinker as they say.

She did beautiful began talking a mile a minute. She was the love of everyone who met her.  She was well behaved and meek, which was such a joy. She was 3 1/2 now.Remember at this point I also have, Ash-"stick in the mud", Eli-"The Nutty Professor" and Paul-"Sammy Davis Jr...Jr" 

Then came the mistake of our lives at about 4.  People can agree to disagree but I watched what happen before my eyes so feel free to argue with someone ELSE! Essie had no history of children's vaccines.  I really had become iffy as we are an organic family but hey.... I may be well educated but I am not a doctor... right. WRONG!  Mistake #1.  I should have gone home and prayed about it.  I had a sick feeling and that should have been a clue something was wrong.  I just thought, I was upset because I was blindsided by the doctors office.  They gave her quite a few shots, every visit for a few weeks.  It did not take long to realize something terrible was wrong. Something very, very wrong.  Behavioral outbursts, aggression and screaming started right away.  Vicious attacks towards other members of the family then started. We put her in a Christian nursery school but were called in 3 out of every 5 days.  She attacked other children, threw scissors, bit and was sharp tonged.  Extremely oppositional.  The school worked hard and actually removed the one lovely sweet teacher and put in a tougher teacher (also lovely) with the hope that they could maintain her. WRONG!  She loved both teachers and would tell them so, but could not control herself.

We finally pulled her out for the betterment of the other children and the staff in general.  We began homeschooling all 7 the following year. I was teaching full time during the day. Gary had just lost his job when his company folded so here we go.  We tried homeschooling for 2 years but she just got bigger and worse behaved. The outbursts were more frequent and more violent.  We also had been blessed with a 5 adoption of a baby whom she attacked without provocation. Almost always she would attack the baby's face or our second oldest daughters hands and feet (She has a serious debilitating joint and muscle disease).  Now our backs were against the wall.  I knew God was telling me to leave work to be home to care for her and the others,but Gary was not on board. We talked, mostly we fought. Even time with pastor left me without a solution that gave me peace. God is telling me one thing and my husband wants no part. I want to do what is right and I know I must honor my husband. (I am not good at this, it is my greatest area of work over the past few years).  So the wrong answer in my heart, mind and soul was to do what we promised God we would never do.  I left it in Gary's hands and the responsibility of breaking a promise to God with him as well.  Essie and Ash were put in public school 'so their special needs could be better met'.  Actually, Essie and Ash were put in school to keep the family safe for the 8 hours a day while I was teaching in the public sector and Gary was working at his new job.

At work God's blessings were clearly no longer with me and my season was over but that was a mute point. Stress and difficulties at work increased only to hammer God's point home.  We began having Essie evaluated (schools request, go figure) with an outside agency which I highly recommend to home school parents.  If your child has a disability, an evaluation with a good quality service provider can provide you with recommendations on how best to work with them at home. It is not pushing them into the  public sector but we will talk about that another time.  Essie's evaluation revealed that she had full blown Autism, was now Developmentally Delayed (MR) and had ADHD (really what a shocker that was)  Side bar, has any parent ever gotten a diagnosis of ADHD and went "WOW,really their such a kitten at home."   I was relieved to have an answer but Autism and Retardation.... WHAT HAPPENED?  She was fine, too small but fine.  This is my speciality folks. I am a master teacher with 22 years of education in the area of special education and have hours and hours of in service on Autism.  My child's Autism and brain damage is directly related to her vaccines, and sadly I have to live with that forever. But I won't be foolish enough to make the mistake any further or with the baby.

Essie's year in public school.  I have not mentioned she also has PICA which is a condition where those who have it eat inedible items.  Her personal preference is toilet paper, cotton balls and tissues by the ream.  She has also eaten all the "Fun tak" the school had on the walls.  Once, twice but on the tenth and twelfth time you get a bit annoyed she still has opportunities to do this.  She eats band aides and plastic bags. So note...note....note....."STOP SENDING HER TO THE NURSE!"  "Paper is not a snack Essie", don't give her a Styrofoam cup at snack please, please, "WHAT DON'T YOU GET!" I sent her in a special ordered Christmas sweater with Christmas trees on it, dumb! She ate 32 (yep we counted the missing ones) metal pieces sewn on as direction.  Another trip to the doctor.  Essie is an eloper which is the new term for runner or wanderer. She was lost in school multiple times (9 I believe in the Spring).  She could not go to the bathroom alone as she likes to stand on the sink and wet the mirrors and look at herself through the wet reflection, NICE,  a little dangerous.  Every day was  a new nightmare and heartache.  The final straw came when Essie's grade went to the zoo and she got away and managed to enter an animal area and fed the monkeys her lunch.  Another trip to the doctor to check for scratches. Can you imagine what kind of things monkeys carry?  The note I got contained the following message, I have reworded. "since she wandered she was sat in time out on a bench for 45 minutes." REALLY! The school lost my mentally retarded, Autistic 7 year old and punished HER for 45 minutes.  Please know my school district is phenomenal, seriously a great school with great people who work really hard. But when God does not want you child some where and you are in sin by not obeying HIM, bad things will happen.  Essie was more than the school could handle.Essie needed to be with the one person who thought she was the most important person in the world. Essie need to be where her safety was more important than state tests and the good of the group.  The only place that could happen is at home. 

For Essie to get what she needed was for me to walk away from my job.  Walk away from my retirement and my insurance, walk away from our financial stability.  I have always been the bigger bread winner.  But I go back to paragraph number one.  What would you do for your child. The leading cause of death for Autistic children is eloping, wandering and falling into danger that causes death.  My child does not have cancer. my child does not have heart disease or many of the terrible things that parents pray over every day. My child has autism, she has no fear of strangers, no fear of traffic or animals. My child has a limited intellect, she will eat poison, she will  get in a car with stranger, she could be victimized with the turn of a head. 

Essie is my child, God placed her in my heart and my home. He allowed another woman to birth her and her siblings for me to raise and I am eternally grateful.  Essie is my beautiful little girl, no child was ever loved more. God  gave me a great capacity to love....Thank you my King!  Before the foundation of the Earth He knew her story and chose me for her mother and I am grateful. There are times I need prayers, there are times I need a quiet bath all by myself. There are times I need the strength of friends opposed to the judgement of strangers.  But all in all, what I need most is the God who loves me and is always there for me. It is my responsibility to start my day in devotions to Him so I am strong for the day to come. It is my responsibility to seek His face when the walls close in or fall down around me. It is my privilege to thank Him for the smiles and strides we make each day. To thank Him for her progress big or small.  You see, I am blessed, I am Essie's mother. Would I adopt her again Yes. God has made me more than I was to be her mama. He made me less of myself to be her mama. He made me a better person to be her mama. God is so good.

With God you can be more than you are, as more than you are you have the ability to help make a child more than they are.  With God you can make a difference in the lives of children, that lasts for an eternity, it does not rot or rust, it can not be stolen or break.  It will carry on for generations. God is better than we deserve.  Our lives here on this earth are a mere bus stop in time.  Make your time here count for someone other than you.

Adventures in Adoption part 3

The prayer of a parent of a concrete child "Dear God please don't let anyone know he is mine at this moment and if they do let them think he acts like his father."   At this moment in history I knew all the worst jokes my older kids and I made about me being so competitetive were true.

"Ash, just stand here and don't let the ball in the box."  "Ash.... you don't actually have to stand in that exact spot."  "Ash... please move just a little and try and catch the ball."   "Ash... mommy is going to the car for some tylenol."

So, I am super competetive. My oldest daughter (bio) had every advantage know to man and God then chose to throw in natural talent in anything she touched.  I on the other hand could make going to the mailbox an Olympic event if my neighbors were going at the same time. Yeah, yeah, yeah I know... wicked and sinful, don't you worry, God has humbled me plenty, He gave me my second daughter, "The daisy picker." Yes that has been her life time nicknames since we put her in soccer a 5 (huge mistake).  Also, have you got a look at that face above. Of the 4 beautiful blessings we adopted, God has proved He has a sense of humor that won't quit, by giving me....ME...Sports Mom Superb, 4 children who cant; walk, talk and chew gum at the same time. Just so you also know His wonderful mercy, He gave me JR, my third (bio) child, and yes another GOLDEN CHILD when it comes to sports, so as much as He enjoys toying with me He has blessed me too.

Now if it comes about that you get a concrete child, AKA A STICK IN THE MUD! practice Lamaze breathing even if you have never birthed a child on your own.  Ash is my Lamaze practice child and I am willing to lend him out if you want a breathing partner.  If I say "it's partly sunny today", a small smirk will say "and partly cloudy."  If there is a chore to be done and Ash is terminally lazy, he will walk using tiny tiny baby steps.  So creativity is key.  Make reward to match the task and how it is done. It will save you a great deal of money on hair dye.

For all the stubborn behaviors this child has a smile that will melt your heart and a hug and cuddle that win you over FOREVER! 

Would I adopt him again, Absolutely!  Would I sign him up for soccer again..... probably not :).

Adventures in Adoption part 2

Children coming out of dire circumstances arrive with their own baggage.  It may not be the baggage you expected so the rule of thumb with adoption is 'Expect the Unexpected' and a sense of humor and  a strong faith with see you through.  Remember the Lord who brought you to it is the Lord who will see you through it.

For children who have experienced starvation you have a long road ahead of you. A road with lots of curves and steep cliffs, sometimes on both sides.  Would that be a warning to second guess your self...NO. It is a reality that will help prepare you for your journey. 

When childeren have experienced hunger for extended periods of time in excessive amounts it can profoundly scar them.  Even children coming who are unsure may be food theives for a period of time.  This has been our biggest battle and four years later we have not won yet.

If your child is coming out of an institutional setting you must realize that food is often not prepared where the kids are close by.  As a result they don't smell it cooking.  Sounds silly and irrevelent, well it is not it is VERY importand.  A child in this setting smells their food the moment they are about to eat.  In a home setting a child may smell food for hours before they eat.  Let's say a roast or turkey cooking.  A large pot of home made soup or stew. Bread in the oven or a pie.  Kids who smell food and are not prepared to wait can have extreme reactions.  For us it meant crying, hysterical crying from the moment wonderful aromas began until we sat at the table; sometimes that was 4 hours, if you were talking about a turkey. 

We had to revamp our thinking. Rules about not entering the kitchen had to be set to avoid little people getting burned.  We adopted four at one time.  This way we would have a little line on the threshhold of the kitchen crying in unison.  Then I had to think about the types of meals I would make for a while.  The typical large roasted or long cooked meals had to be replace with meals that could be cooked in shorter times.

Becoming a quick and efficient composter of food garbage and above all making sure there was little waste was very important.  Kids who have gone hungry can't understand food being wasted or thrown away.  Be very mindful of this as your kids will eat out of the garbage if they can get the chance.  We have faced several bouts of food poisoning over this issue.  We may think we have solved it but then found out one of most difficult food relocaters has been in someone Else's garbage.

Eli has autism and is very high functioning compared to the rest of our children. This has made him the most difficult to break of the food issues. He remembers hunger and needs to constantly solve it.  Even though he has never been really hungry since adopted that is a memory burned into him. 

So if you were worried about all sort of terrible behaviors we don't have them. Our kids came from pretty awful circumstances.  Eli is kind and very loving, helpful and a hard worker. He loves reading and wants to learn as much as he can. Despite his autism which affects his receptive and expressive language it has a counter side where as he is a collector of facts especially about science and history.

Would I recommend adoption? To everyone I meet.  Would I recommend adopting OUR children right here in America, YES!  Our kids need homes, with all their baggage and problems, with all their issues and disabilities.  The Lord will equip you to handle anything he brings you to.

Adventures in Adoption...part 1

Paul was the begining of our trip down 'Autism Lane'.   This tiny little miracle arrived at 7 years old weighing less than 30lbs and wearing a size 5 clothing.  Both Developmentally Delayed and Autistic with ADHD thrown in for color he easily became the love of everyones life who met him.  Paul is one of the greatest examples of adoptions of children with disabilities that are very successful.

Many people are afraid of what could be behind that 'Disability door' and what we got was a WONDERFUL little boy. 

Who shall teach them?

2 Timothy 3: 13-14 (KJV)
^"But continue thou in the things which thou hast learned and hast been assured of, knowing of whom thou hast learned them;

And that from a child thou hast known the holy scriptures, which are able to make thee wise unto salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus."

If it is expected that a child should grow in the Lord through his/her teaching it is then assumed they are being taught.  We have become very comfortable with phrases like, "It takes a community to raise a child." and others. When in fact it is the responsibility of a child's parents for his/her scriptual upbringing and education as a whole.  God tells us without confusion that "...we are made wise through faith."  To have wisdom you need to have faith as per our God. That faith is a faith our children need to see being lived out in the lives of their parents Monday through Saturday not just for an hour on Sunday morning if they are expected to learn it.